Friendship...defined by Webster as the state of being friends (one attached to another by affection or esteem).
So what does that mean to us today? Do we really look at our friendships as something special or do we take them for granted? Are we too focused on ourselves and our wants that we forget about other people? Do we think that there is a one friend limit rule? Or are we too blind to see what's right in front of us?
To try and answer this, one would have to look at the different types of friendships that exist today. Here are a few that I have experienced in my life:
1. The 'I'm only going to be friends with you until my best friend stops being mad at me' Friend: This friend is only focused on making their best friend, who's NOT you, jealous. This can also be seen in dating relationships as well. This person doesn't really care about what you're saying and may not even remember your name, but be sure that when their best friend is around, your jokes are funnier, your clothes are better and you suddenly become an all around amazing person. Just don't let all that go to your head, because the minute the best friend is out of range, it's back to the pretend listening and caring.
2. The 'I'm only friends with you because my best friend is your friend too' Friend: This friend is only there because their best friend is there. Nothing you say is as funny or clever and they really could care less about your thoughts and opinions. They say they're your friend, because they don't want their best friend to think that you all can't hang out together, when in all actuality, they would never hang out with you. This person is best left out of any secrets, since they would be perfect ammo for making your life miserable.
3. The 'I'm friends with you, because we go to the same school, but we really have nothing in common' Friend: This friend is the girl or guy that you meet your first day and because you're going to be spending the next 4 years with this person, you mutually decide (not verbally) that you're going to be friends. Throughout your school years, certain things may come up that you both share an interest in, but it's not enough. When you graduate and leave school behind, you're leaving behind those friends as well. Friends for a season aren't necessarily a bad thing, just not there for the long haul.
4. The 'I'm friends with your friends, so we should be friends' Friend: This person thinks that just because they are friends with your friends, this automatically gives them an in with you. For this person, they want to be everywhere that you are and hang on everything you say, but they really don't know you, because they're too focused on just being friends (in name only). This person is the one that will hang out wherever and whenever and try to make conversation with you, but they don't really know you. This type of friend can move into the next type, but that really depends on the person and whether or not they really, truly want to get to know you, for you.
5. The 'I'm friends with you, because I enjoy hanging out with you, but we also can have serious conversations' Friend: This friend is someone that should be cherished, because they are hard to find. This person truly cares about you as an individual and lets you know it. This person gets to know you, your likes and dislikes, the good and the bad. This person is someone that you can trust your secrets to and know that they're not going to go tell someone else. This friend is one that will stand by you through thick and thin, the one that you can laugh with and cry with, the one that loves you at your worst and at your best. This friend, is a keeper.
These are just a few types of friends that I have encountered over the years and I must say that my favorite type is the last one. The journey to find such a friend hasn't been easy and there have been many others that have tried to fill that void, but until now there hasn't been a true one among them.
Some people find it interesting that I've never had a best friend and in truth, I did have one at one point in my life. At that time and place, I thought we were best friends; it took having a knife (figuratively) stabbed into my back to help me see that things were not what they seemed. Do I still hold some resentment towards her? I don't know if I'd call it resentment or learning from my mistake. I do know that because of that situation, it's taken me a while to trust others and even now, I don't trust very easily; it's something I'm working on.
I've learned to guard myself and hold people at arm's length...because I was and am afraid of getting hurt again. I thought that after high school, I wouldn't have to worry about it so much, but that's just another lie I told myself.
To this day, my best friend is and will always be, my sister. She's the only friend that hasn't let me down...except that once, but I've forgiven her, because she was being herself and thinking of others at the time and that's a quality that I look up to. She love's me, for me and all my screwed up faults and I love her for that. She's the one that's been there throughout every good and bad time that I've had and I can't wait to see what else is in store for us.
Is there a possibility of having more than one best friend? Of course! I am learning that sometimes when you're not looking for that best friend, God suddenly puts them right in your path and things just click. That's the best kind of friend! It all depends on the type of friend you are and the type of friend that you want; no one can tell you who to be friends with, that's all up to you. I just know I'm trying to be the type of friend that I'd like to spend time with; sometimes it's not easy, but with God's help, I'm trying. :)
*1 John 4:10-12
"What is love? It is not that we loved God. It is that he loved us and sent his Son to give his life to pay for our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we should also love one another. No one has ever seen God. But if we love one another, God lives in us. His love is made complete in us."
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