Here's a little update on what has happened since my last post.
* I finished my second to last semester of college and said goodbye to one of the girls who lived on my floor, who was getting married and moving to Ohio.
* I successfully assisted my sister with her wedding and I now have a new brother.
* I received word that my education GPA was high enough and I've been accepted into the student teaching program at Nyack.
With all that has been going on since February, I haven't really taken the time to stop and process everything. So much for trying to blog every week. :/ I am going to try harder to do so...as well as work on other things that should be consuming my time. This means that I'll have to do a little evaluating in my life...something that should have happened a while ago, but with everything else going on, it just didn't happen.
And there I go again...making excuses about why things didn't happen. Isn't that just how we are though? The human race is all about making excuses. I hear it every day; from my own self when I'm running late to the children that I watch when they don't want to do what they are told. When did it become so acceptable to just make excuses for things and continue on with no regard for anyone else? I understand that we are all busy and I am not saying that the things we are filling our lives with are bad, it's just when we start to let the excuses rule our lives that we start to have a problem. I'm going to try very hard to remove the excuses from my life and strive to live the way that God wants me to live.
Funny how one thing can lead to another and you weren't even expecting it...apparently the excuses thing was bothering me more than I thought.
Back to what I was saying before though, about evaluating my life...this is something that I've been thinking about lately and since it's on my mind, I thought I'd share.
My life is not mine...not really. It belongs to Someone greater and more powerful than I could ever imagine and yet, I still struggle with letting go completely. Why is that? Is it because our human nature is egocentric and selfish? How many times have I stressed out about things and not once stopped and asked God to help me figure it out?
Does this make me a horrible person? No. Does it mean that God loves me any less? No. Does it mean that He will not bless me? I don't know. In all honesty, if I had the power, I wouldn't bless someone who didn't make time for me...but then again, I'm a little egocentric.
I've been struggling with some things since I came back from school and I will admit, I haven't always gone to God first. I know that God has a plan for me and I know that He has things all worked out...but He can't reveal them to me, if I don't stop, ask Him and wait for His answer. It sounds so simple...but certain days, it's one of the hardest things to do. It's easier to throw out a quick prayer and head to the movies with your friends...but it doesn't make it right.
God longs to spend time with us...that alone is an amazing realization to me and sometimes it is enough to bring me to my knees...but sadly, it's something that hadn't happened in a while. Busyness was part of my problem...but I think there was another part of me that was hurt and upset about some things that have happened and I've been a little angry at God...or not necessarily at Him, but angry at what had happened. I'm working through it and it was not, nor is it, an easy process, but God has been as faithful as always and He, unlike myself, isn't egocentric or selfish. He loves like no other and I'm remembering that every day.
I'm slowly getting back to my place with God and I know that He's been there throughout all the ups, downs and injustices of these past couple months. I need to remember to rely on Him and to focus on Him, instead of the failures and mistakes of humanity. It helps that I have friends I can rely on and vent to...friends who accept me as I am, listen to my rantings, offer me their advice and as one of them said, tickle my funny bone. I am truly blessed and even with all the craziness and confusion in my life...that is one thing I can see very clearly; now all I need to do is remember that. :)
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