Life.

Life.

Sometimes, life is simple, easy and normal.
Sometimes, life is complex, hard and unusual.
Sometimes, life seems too much for us to handle...that's when we need to give it up to someone else who can handle it for us...God.

These past few months, I don't know what I would've done without God, my family and my friends. I have had many ups and downs...sometimes it felt as though the downs outweighed the ups. I have experienced some new things and have had to revisit some old as well. For some people reading this, you know of the struggles that my family has had to go through. You also know that at the beginning of this month, my Grandma went Home. 

I have had to deal with someone dying before...some I remember more than others, but this time it was different. I know that my Grandma is in a far better place. She is pain free and reunited with my Grandpa (I don't have any Biblical reference for the last part, but that's what I believe). I would be a selfish person if I wanted her to still be here, in the pain that she was in...I love my Grandma too much to long for that...she deserved better and now she has the best.

Maybe this time was different, because I was the last person to be with her before she died. I gave her medicine, told her again that I'd never be able to be a nurse (after dropping the medicine dropper) and said if she needed anything to let me know. Then, soon after, my Grandma, the most stubborn woman I know, got her wish...she wanted to die at home and she did. 

I am grateful that the Hospice lady was there...she helped us out and was very gracious. I am also extremely grateful that Jordan and Jess were there as well. I don't know what I would've done without their calming presence and guidance. *Thank you both for being there...it meant a lot and I'm glad none of us had to go through that alone.* Jess is actually the one who said something that really explained how we were feeling and it still is the same today. He said, "10% sorrow, 90% joy." Such wisdom from the "baby" of my family.

I'm holding on to those words as I'm getting back into the swing of things. One thing my Grandma wanted was for her grandkids to get the education that she never got to have. I am doing my best to finish my senior year and I know that she's looking out for me, only now I don't have to worry about being swatted with her cane. Although, I'd take it one more time, if I had the chance.


I do have some things of hers, that I will treasure and hopefully pass on to my children someday. My grandparents were always making things for us and I have a lot of crafts and such that they made, along with the most comfortable quilt ever. :) I also took some of her jewelry and a jewelry box...and although I don't remember her wearing the pieces that I took, they were hers and that counts for something.

The earrings, of which I had lost one somehow, but ended up finding it in a random place.

Throughout this entire thing...God, my family and friends have been amazing and a blessing. I hope that one day I can be that kind of blessing to someone else.

Also, Wednesday, after the funeral, when Bethany and I were driving back down to school, this song came on and was preceded by Matthew West sharing about his Grandma, who had passed away.

I will see you soon, Grandma...until then, you and Grandpa save a place for me.