Life.

Life.

Sometimes, life is simple, easy and normal.
Sometimes, life is complex, hard and unusual.
Sometimes, life seems too much for us to handle...that's when we need to give it up to someone else who can handle it for us...God.

These past few months, I don't know what I would've done without God, my family and my friends. I have had many ups and downs...sometimes it felt as though the downs outweighed the ups. I have experienced some new things and have had to revisit some old as well. For some people reading this, you know of the struggles that my family has had to go through. You also know that at the beginning of this month, my Grandma went Home. 

I have had to deal with someone dying before...some I remember more than others, but this time it was different. I know that my Grandma is in a far better place. She is pain free and reunited with my Grandpa (I don't have any Biblical reference for the last part, but that's what I believe). I would be a selfish person if I wanted her to still be here, in the pain that she was in...I love my Grandma too much to long for that...she deserved better and now she has the best.

Maybe this time was different, because I was the last person to be with her before she died. I gave her medicine, told her again that I'd never be able to be a nurse (after dropping the medicine dropper) and said if she needed anything to let me know. Then, soon after, my Grandma, the most stubborn woman I know, got her wish...she wanted to die at home and she did. 

I am grateful that the Hospice lady was there...she helped us out and was very gracious. I am also extremely grateful that Jordan and Jess were there as well. I don't know what I would've done without their calming presence and guidance. *Thank you both for being there...it meant a lot and I'm glad none of us had to go through that alone.* Jess is actually the one who said something that really explained how we were feeling and it still is the same today. He said, "10% sorrow, 90% joy." Such wisdom from the "baby" of my family.

I'm holding on to those words as I'm getting back into the swing of things. One thing my Grandma wanted was for her grandkids to get the education that she never got to have. I am doing my best to finish my senior year and I know that she's looking out for me, only now I don't have to worry about being swatted with her cane. Although, I'd take it one more time, if I had the chance.


I do have some things of hers, that I will treasure and hopefully pass on to my children someday. My grandparents were always making things for us and I have a lot of crafts and such that they made, along with the most comfortable quilt ever. :) I also took some of her jewelry and a jewelry box...and although I don't remember her wearing the pieces that I took, they were hers and that counts for something.

The earrings, of which I had lost one somehow, but ended up finding it in a random place.

Throughout this entire thing...God, my family and friends have been amazing and a blessing. I hope that one day I can be that kind of blessing to someone else.

Also, Wednesday, after the funeral, when Bethany and I were driving back down to school, this song came on and was preceded by Matthew West sharing about his Grandma, who had passed away.

I will see you soon, Grandma...until then, you and Grandpa save a place for me. 

August Was Starting to Get a Little Boring...

August was starting out like any other month; work, times with friends, birthdays...but apparently for my family that was a little boring. :/


I'm pretty sure it all started when my Uncle & Aunt and their family decided they needed a vacation...so someone had to go and stay with Grandma. We had worked out a schedule between my mom, Molly and myself and things were going well.

Around 3:30p on Wed (8/10), I received word that my mom and Katie had taken Grandma to her doctor to find out what was wrong and why she was so sick. I got a hold of Katie and decided I'd meet them at the doctor's and we'd go from there.

Well, instead of staying at the doctor's, my mom was told to take her to the ER so they could help her. So, we trekked to Arnot and waited in the ER...which is a place we know very well. While we waited, we were trying to figure out what was going to happen that night...since Katie and I were supposed to go and do Glow Putt-Putt with The Movement. Katie ended up leaving around 7 so she could go home, change, pick up her hubby and meet everyone at the church at 8. I waited for my dad to come to the hospital to stay with my mom and left at 7:30.

Since I had come right from work and did not get anything for dinner, I decided to stop and get something from Arby's (not my finest decision, but I just really wanted some curly fries). I made it to the church and cleaned out my car, so I could transport teens, went and used the bathroom before we left, came out and talked to some of the teens and suddenly felt extremely sick. I went back inside and decided that I should probably not go because I didn't feel well. I texted Katie and told her that I didn't think I could go and she asked if I'd be alright if they went ahead and left...I was shaking so bad, I could not text her back. Thankfully, one of the girls came in to check on me (bless her heart) and I managed to tell her to get Katie. The pain was so intense, it hurt to breathe and I was sweating.

Katie came in and after seeing me in the pain I was in asked me if I wanted her to take me to the ER...kind of ironic, since we had both just been there like an hour before. So, while Ed and Eric took the teens to putt-putt, Katie and I went to the ER. The look of confusion on my mom's face was priceless and by the time we got to the hospital, the pain had went from a 10 to an 8 1/2.

Well, after a while I was taken into a room, saw the nurse, was told to pee in a cup (which is impossible to do, when you don't have to go), had to change into a drafty gown and waited for the doctor to come see me. Oh and on top of that I had to tell the story to everyone I talked to...When I came out from changing, Caleb and Amanda were there and I told them the story as well. Caleb said that he expected the text about Grandma being in the ER...not the one about me and he was playing basketball, so he didn't know until Amanda told him. Molly was at work and was just as confused. :)

I ended up going for an ultrasound and a CT scan to figure out why I was in so much pain...I also got a shot of morphine, which made me forget about the pain. :) The results showed that I have a large gallstone, which would explain the pain and the doctor said I should look into having surgery, but I could go home. That was a good thing, because we were starting to take over the ER...Grandma was down in 15 and I was in 11 and I had my entire family come sit with me...that's love. :)


* Well, my doctor's appointment was today and I got an appointment for surgery (it just happens to be when I'm supposed to be back at school...so things have to change), I also found out that my spleen is enlarged, so I have to go to a specialist in Sayre on Thurs to find out why.

Needless to say, with Grandma still in the hospital and all this stuff happening and school starting up soon...I'd like August to be boring, I just can't handle all the excitement. :} I'm trying not to stress out about stuff and I'm trying to eat foods that aren't going to cause me pain...both aren't coming very easily to me.

I know that God has a plan and a purpose for everything...I'm struggling with finding out what it is. Thankfully, He knows this and has given me family and friends who will be there to encourage me, strengthen me and pray for me. 


Thank you, God for giving them to me, I don't deserve them. Help me trust You completely through all of this.